Attachment styles are the primary tool that humans use in all their relationships.
Attachments are shaped by our childhood experiences. They are expressed in adulthood as either 1) Secure or 2) Insecure (Avoidant, Fearful, or Anxious). Our brain is not fully functional until 25-30 years of age; therefore, an individual’s relational mental roadmap is already formed for navigating life either positively or negatively.
Often a person has been exposed to many unmet “love needs” which develop into an unhealthy insecure attachment. A “false identity or a distortedIdentity” is developed forming one of three insecure attachments: Fearful, Dismissive/Avoidant, and Anxious.
Neuroscience research has revealed that the unmet love needs, caused by the absence of “love and truth” to distort the Mind into “keeping a toxified neuro-fiber score” disrupting the Brain and Body. This insecure Brain functions as a “Negative Default Mode Network.”
Without a Secure Relational Attachment to mirror loving bonding and boundaries our memories of the past will repeatedly default into old corrupted neuro-patterns. Trauma and pain distort the Mind-Brain and seed the memory banks to negatively predict the present and future. These become pathways to various cognitive distortions unless we replace, rewire, and reframe new healthy and secure neuro-pathways.
When people enter into building or maintaining a relationship, any unmet love and truth needs that get triggered will erupt into new reinforcing Negative Default Mode Network responses which hinder healthy relationship building. These represent approximately 80% of couple conflicts. The quest for relationship building is surrounded by the following questions:
1. If I call out to you… Will you be there for me?
2. Can I count on you?
3. Do I matter to you?
4. Will you authentically love me and work to know me for a Win-Win in this relationship?
Meeting these love needs forms healthy bonding and boundaries that heal the Mind. Unmet love needs must be examined by both parties and corrected to heal old broken memories and establish healthy ones.